Have you ever heard yourself, or someone else, say: "Don't mind, he didn't know what he was doing"? If so, you have been exposed to the wisdom of "looking beyond behavior."
While dealing with children, we all know very well the importance of - simple act of forgiveness. If we all based our love on children's behavior, it would often be difficult to love them at all. If love were based purely on behavior, then perhaps none of us would ever have been loved as a teenager!
Wouldn't it be nice if we could try to extend this same loving-kindness toward everyone we meet? Wouldn't we live in a more loving community if, when someone acted in a way that we didn't approve of, we could see their actions in a similar light as our teenager's bad behavior?
This doesn't mean that we walk around and pretend that everything is always wonderful, allow others to "walk all over us," or that we excuse or approve of negative behavior. Instead, it simply means having the perspective to give others the benefit of the doubt.
Know that when your assistant is moving slowly, he is probably having a bad day, or perhaps all of his days are bad. Looking beyond behavior gives us the perspective to not get upset and disappointed with every bad behavior of others.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Saturday, January 23, 2010
It was born..
Above the unreachable skies
Much beyond the godly heavens.
A blend of the brightest star,
the sensual element venice,
the beauty , the charm
and countless others
coalesced to form a glint.
An unprecedented one.
Angels escorting the glisten
to the world of homo sapiens,
was then the nineteenth century,
the spark delicately ushered into the clove.
Nine months later, It was born.
Nature responded with a gold rush.
A knee jerk twist in the tale
to the existing evil
Outburst of an awaiting
Apocalypse.
Stun
Reacting to criticism
So often we are immobilized by the slightest criticism. We treat it like an emergency, and defend ourselves as if we were in a battle.
When we react to criticism with a knee-jerk, defensive response, it hurts. We feel attacked, and we have a need to defend or to offer a counter criticism. We fill our minds with angry or hurtful thoughts directed at ourselves or at the person who is being critical. All this reaction takes an enormous amount of mental energy.
An incredibly useful exercise is to agree with criticism directed toward you. I'm not talking about turning into a doormat or ruining your self-esteem by believing all negativity that comes in your direction. There are many times when simply agreeing with criticism defuses the situation, satisfies a person's need to express a point of view, offers you a chance to learn something about yourself by seeing a grain of truth in another position, and, perhaps most important, provides you an opportunity to remain calm.
One of the first times I consciously agreed with criticism directed toward me was many years ago when a friend said to me, "Sometimes you talk too much." I remember feeling momentarily hurt before deciding to agree. I responded by saying, "You're right, I do talk too much sometimes." In agreeing with him, I was able to see that he had a good point. I often do talk too much! What's more, my non-defensive reaction helped him to relax.
Reacting to criticism never makes the criticism go away. In fact, negative reactions to criticism often convince the person doing the criticizing that they are accurate in their assessment of you.
When we react to criticism with a knee-jerk, defensive response, it hurts. We feel attacked, and we have a need to defend or to offer a counter criticism. We fill our minds with angry or hurtful thoughts directed at ourselves or at the person who is being critical. All this reaction takes an enormous amount of mental energy.
An incredibly useful exercise is to agree with criticism directed toward you. I'm not talking about turning into a doormat or ruining your self-esteem by believing all negativity that comes in your direction. There are many times when simply agreeing with criticism defuses the situation, satisfies a person's need to express a point of view, offers you a chance to learn something about yourself by seeing a grain of truth in another position, and, perhaps most important, provides you an opportunity to remain calm.
One of the first times I consciously agreed with criticism directed toward me was many years ago when a friend said to me, "Sometimes you talk too much." I remember feeling momentarily hurt before deciding to agree. I responded by saying, "You're right, I do talk too much sometimes." In agreeing with him, I was able to see that he had a good point. I often do talk too much! What's more, my non-defensive reaction helped him to relax.
Reacting to criticism never makes the criticism go away. In fact, negative reactions to criticism often convince the person doing the criticizing that they are accurate in their assessment of you.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Blame....
Blaming has become extremely common in our culture. On a personal level, it has led us to believe that we are never completely responsible for our own actions, problems, or happiness. When we are in the habit of blaming others, we will blame others for our anger, frustration, depression, stress, and unhappiness.
In terms of personal happiness, you cannot be peaceful while at the same time blaming others. Surely there are times when other people and/or circumstances contribute to our problems, but it is we who must rise to the occasion and take responsibility for our own happiness.
As an experiment, notice what happens when you stop blaming others for anything and everything in your life. This doesn't mean you don't hold people accountable for their actions, but that you hold yourself accountable for your own happiness and for your reactions to other people and the circumstances around you.
Blaming others takes an enormous amount of mental energy. It's a "drag-me-down" mind-set that creates stress and disease. Blaming makes you feel powerless over your own life because your happiness is dependent on the actions and behavior of others, which you can't control.
When you stop blaming others, you will regain your sense of personal power. You will see yourself as a choice maker. You will know that when you are upset, you are playing a key role in the creation of your own feelings. This means that you can also play a key role in creating new, more positive feelings. Life is easier to manage when you stop blaming others.
In terms of personal happiness, you cannot be peaceful while at the same time blaming others. Surely there are times when other people and/or circumstances contribute to our problems, but it is we who must rise to the occasion and take responsibility for our own happiness.
As an experiment, notice what happens when you stop blaming others for anything and everything in your life. This doesn't mean you don't hold people accountable for their actions, but that you hold yourself accountable for your own happiness and for your reactions to other people and the circumstances around you.
Blaming others takes an enormous amount of mental energy. It's a "drag-me-down" mind-set that creates stress and disease. Blaming makes you feel powerless over your own life because your happiness is dependent on the actions and behavior of others, which you can't control.
When you stop blaming others, you will regain your sense of personal power. You will see yourself as a choice maker. You will know that when you are upset, you are playing a key role in the creation of your own feelings. This means that you can also play a key role in creating new, more positive feelings. Life is easier to manage when you stop blaming others.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Lady Love
faith,hope,belief can all take a hike,
because today i finally found what i like,
all the people i ever knew,
never told me what is true,
to all the glowing faires in the world,
she is the lady you always wanted to be,
all the inequalities solved,
I am standing here with my heart dissolved,
lets get baptized in love and all its symbols,
lets walk hand in hand,
towards the tempest of thy hearts,
the uncharacteristic will never get what they want,
all thts scattered in and out,
youve left me without a doubt,
they will realise from time to time,
love is everywhere,
lovers are everywhere,
the truth is in her face,
happiness in her smile,
no regrets and everyone survives
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Scientific & BEYOND
Can everything in life be "scientific" ? Would a chemist give his wife a bunsen burner as a wedding gift? If a neurologist found that his wife was upset with him, would he perform a brain scan to find out what was wrong? The point is simple: Neither is life just a bunch of atoms and molecules nor is a sentient human being just an ultra-super computer. There is something higher beyond the reach of science. Isn't this worth giving a thought ???
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
The Last Entry
I have recently realised how frightening it is to have a life centered around love.The ones you walked hand in hand are the same who let go of you when your drowning.Watchful in their every step and eager to teach them that every boulder they come across has a message on it,now left behind for the destitute.This emotional transgression has insinuated a pain which is bellowed by the searing truth that my son dosent want to see me anymore.Branching out from life itself,human existence no longer seems to be transcendental.All that is left for me are the fading memories of my sunshine(son) and the woe to be.My love for you cannot be expressed in words maybe its like the sunflower and the sun or like the blades of green grass that never bends,i hope you understand that i have always tried.I am going to close my eyes with the strong belief that there comes a turning in everyones life when this occurs the truth can be observed with the purest of hearts and the world is then reborn in rapture.It is my final wish that there should never be a such a sight of old man left to drench in the rain at his hour of need,this is the greatest sin a man can ever commit.
mother
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)